“My thoughts are with you
Holding hands with your heart to see you
Only blue talk and love
Remember how we knew love was here to stay
Now December found the love we shared in September
Only blue talk and love
Remember true love we share today”— Earth, Wind, and Fire, “September”
When I was five years old, I was given the part of a butterfly for a kindergarten school play about a cozy little garden. For my incredibly busy, working parents, I/the teachers must’ve given them quite the unexpected assignment (read: headache). The memories are fuzzy now, but we have pictures of me in a pink dress, red tights, and a full pair of wings the size of mini-me covered in shiny foil paper. The costume accompanied my bowl cut quite well and as the best dressed kid in class, I felt like I was on top of the world.
For years, I thought of these wings as gifts from my mom. I believed that not only did she work on these wings after a long day of work, she also gave me the wings, to fly through life.
To my own surprise, it was only when I penned my college essay and during the nth rewrite to piece together oral history, did I learn the real truth about these wings. My dad was actually the one who found the cardboard, traced them, and cut them into their final shapes long after I had gone to sleep.
This story illustrates two things for me. The first, is that my relationship with my dad was not always what it is today. Because he worked so hard to provide for our family, I had at times during my teenage years felt like I didn’t really know him, and I didn’t know just how much he cared. I made harsh judgments about him, which I spent the last decade trying to make up.
The second, and more importantly, is that this is the essence of my dad’s love — behind the scenes, at times mistaken, and always, always giving. I still remember just a few years ago when at the end of a phone conversation he said, “love you.” I thought I had misheard him and immediately upon hanging up, texted my sister to find out if everything was ok with dad.
I was taken back because similar to many Chinese immigrant families, my dad showed us his love through his work ethics and not his words because he wanted us to never have to worry about anything in the future. He worked tirelessly to prepare for where we are now. While I wish he had slowed down to experience life more, I also embrace that life, for him, was us; through us, his love lives on.
Today, I am so honored as my father’s daughter to share some thoughts about his life on earth. What an amazing, beautiful life. While it was certainly not without its pain and suffering, I want all of us to know that we are really gathered today to celebrate one remarkable life. Many of you know some details to what the last 40 years were like for him and for my family. Many of you also know the man that I know because he’s authentic to his bones. He says what he means, and he means what he says. That aside, Mr. Lee was cute, funny, and quirky. I loved my dad for his humor, his dance steps (especially with mom), and his karaoke chops.
We are so proud to call him our dad.
I also stand here before you asking you to bear witness. As my family attempts to move on without our main protagonist — the hero in our story — we promise dad that we will love and support each other regardless of what happens in life and that we will always love mom and take care of her. As our friends and family, hold us accountable, and let our actions speak louder than words.
The ongoing joke in the family is that I am my dad’s favorite. While this gives me a more than satisfying chuckle, I want to use this opportunity to tell Brian, Jeremy, and Angel, as well as Debby and Angela who joined our family not too long ago, that dad loves you and is so proud of each and every one of you.
The last time I was with dad was here in LA. As I was heading out to catch my ride to the airport, back to New York, where I live now, dad said to me, “希望爸爸的身體會好所以我可以多陪著你.” It means that he wished for good health so that he can be with us for longer. I can hear him say in his faint voice as I hugged him close like it were yesterday. I replay it, and replay it over again.
I know in my heart that he is with us, now and forever. We are so grateful for all of the beautiful memories that we’ve created together. Rest peacefully dad. I can’t wait to see you again. Thank you for the joy you have brought into our lives and thank you for loving us.
“You’ll never know what it is like to carry your father’s heart in yours when it has been so torn to shreds for your sake. I will circle the world many times over telling everyone about its weight, its beauty, and what an honor it was to have known it.”
— Karla Corenjo Villavicencio, “The Undocumented Americans”
A version of this eulogy was delivered at Mr. Lee’s memorial service on 11/12/2020 in Arcadia, California, United States.
